


Errand

by Sairuhbby



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:45:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairuhbby/pseuds/Sairuhbby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>On a tumblr blog called <a href="http://titillatingtomtales.tumblr.com>Titillating%20Tom%20Tales%20</a>,%20someone%20confessed%20to%20a%20<a%20href=">dream</a> and someone else<a href="http://titillatingtomtales.tumblr.com/post/29780882867">requested</a> the dream be written out in story form.<br/>I indulged.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Menstruation Threatens Loki's Sex Life

**Author's Note:**

> On a tumblr blog called [dream](http://titillatingtomtales.tumblr.com>Titillating%20Tom%20Tales%20</a>,%20someone%20confessed%20to%20a%20<a%20href=) and someone else[requested](http://titillatingtomtales.tumblr.com/post/29780882867) the dream be written out in story form.  
> I indulged.

He’d come into the sorority house in the midst of a dark night some weeks ago, and the girls welcomed him as one of their own. Loki made a feast of sorts out of “these weak, mortal maidens” that night and many nights after. Even in a house of 15, he tired them, more often than they made a notch in his endurance.

One day, every girl refused him.

“What is the meaning of this, this collective hiatus? Are you all no longer satisfied?” Loki demanded of the ladies assembled in front of the TV, crying over The Notebook.

The head blond aimed the remote, and the screen flicked blank. Fourteen pairs of eyes turned to him.

“We’ve lived together long enough that our mensies are synced,” one says.

The god of mischief quirked a brow. “Mensies.”

“It’s a thing mortal women put up with every month. Unless we take pregnancy-prevention pills. Then it’s every three. Like Jen said, once women live together long enough, the cycles synchronize. Consider the orgies postponed for a few days.” The remote controller says.

“Days? I am a god, in case you mortals have forgotten. I bed for days, not wait.”

“Look, you’re great and all, and you have needs, too, we know-“

“Speaking of needs, we’re outta tampons!” called the absent girl.

“UGH,” the movie-watchers moaned and groaned in front of the TV.

A grinned crawled across Loki’s face. “You know, favors could be exchanged here.”

“When I had a boyfriend, he called my period blowjob week,” came a voice from the floor.

“Fine. If you get some tampons, orgies will resume, to a negotiable extent,” reasoned the second in command.

“So it shall be.” He blinked out of sight.


	2. Loki is His Own Priority

Loki reappeared on the threshold of a pharmacy less than a mile from the house. Jeans and a t-shirt were enough for him, as he’d grown fond of the lightness of Midgardian clothing. It wasn’t like walking around in an oven. His armor had given him protection, yes, but he didn’t need it in the midst of unaware mortals.

Summoning his princely manners and charm, Loki strolled in and approached the nearest employee, a tall, slight woman who was about the age of the girls he’d just left. Before he could speak, she turned her head and popped up from her crouch, causing her dark hair to fall across her face.

“Can I help you, sir?” She asked, tucking the wayward hair behind an ear.

“Yes, actually. I require assistance in finding tampons.” The word tasted odd on his tongue.

A half-snort came from frail form. “Okay. I’m sorry she’s sent you out for _those_. What brand do you need?”

“Ah…”

“Say no more. We really only sell one type here, and if she didn’t specify, that’s probably it. Come on.”

Loki stared after her a moment before following her. After all, he had no idea how many she’d bring back, or even how many he needed. After a couple of turns, they were in the women’s hygiene aisle.

“Here you go!” The woman handed him an average fit Kotex. “Anything else?”

“I believe one more box should do the trick,” he answered warmly. She was, by far, one of the most helpful mortals he’d happened upon without using mind control.

“Okay,” she ducked her head to hide the new flush in her cheeks. “Let’s get you checked out, shall we?”

This girl scampered off like a dog with a tail between its legs. She liked the kind of guys that would do such things for a girl, but she knew any guy doing so probably had one. Not to mention that asking could turn... weird.

Loki was handed off to a stout, grey-haired cashier who didn't seem so bad either. He manifested some cash in his pocket and pulled out exact change to pay for the items.

When he walked out, something seemed to be missing from the whole ordeal. With a twist of his dexterous fingers, a flame started and the pharmacy caught fire.

Yeah, that feels better. Loki vanished, eager to eperience this "blowjob week."


End file.
